Life Realizations Learned Through Letting Go of Your Children

Throughout ones years of parenting, you go through one realization after another; you learn lessons about being human. This weekend I experienced watching my first child walk out into the world. She just went to college, which should be no big deal, but I found that as I watched her move in, it brought up all of the sadness I feel about where our country is at this time. I watched her and so many kids walk around with that sweet hopeful look on their face, yet I knew that they've all grown up in a warring world, a divided government, and a loss of faith in what made the country great. The Internet, though it has served as a great disseminator of information and facilitator of communication, has also served to make denial a whole lot harder to hold onto. This generation knows what is going on so much more than we did. They're smart and informed, yet often jaded and cynical. They sense the fear that's out there, and they know that things must change. They also know that people don't agree on the solutions. They're on their phones laughing, talking, texting, and anticipating so much. I feel sad to admit that I felt sad for them today, as I know they must wonder about the future.

I'm 53 now, but I try hard to remain young at heart and hopeful. The only thing I believe in is thought itself, the power of ideas, creativity, and the love of philosophy and wisdom all directed through the artful work of critical thinking. I think, I don't believe. The only real thing that comforted me today, when leaving my daughter, was that I felt sure that I had taught her to think, be safe, love herself and her body, and show empathy and love toward others.

In the back seat of the car, as we drove away, was her sweet, yet very sad boyfriend, who returns to Atlanta to finish his senior year in High School. Also in the backseat were her younger brother and sister, who had sad yet hopeful hearts that she would return home soon for a visit.

Most importantly, today I honestly experienced for the first time just a thimble-full of the sea of sadness that so many parents live for their children everyday. It made me sad to think of all those kids who war for our country as soldiers never to return, or who return never to be the same again- or those who die prematurely from disease, drug addiction, suicide, or kidnapping. But most of all, it made me sad to think of all the parents who love their children just as much as I do, yet will NEVER have the opportunity to give them an education, care for them and their body through health care, or provide a clean, safe, loving home environment where they can grow up to be secure, loving, and contributing members of a community. My wife works in youth detention and she sees first hand everyday what happens when kids aren't loved or nurtured. The breakdown of the family is a huge destructive scourge on our culture. May we as a nation find ways to rebuild, through love, the network that it takes as a culture to recognize, and support, people who need love, attention, help; a culture that reflects the values that we say we have on paper as a country. May we all try to lovingly fill in their blanks, recognizing that to help them will help all of us in the long run.

I felt blessed and sad today, all at the same time. I have everything. I hope I can do more for the remainder of my life to help others and present a more life affirming message of hope in my art. Saying goodbye temporarily to my daughter only helped me want to be a better person; desiring to see a country that places more value on the family, the community, health, peace, and an empathic desire to love and tolerate the differences between people; a better place for our children to be, to live, and to thrive towards making the world a better place, not only for humans, but for the rest of nature, and this great planet that spawned us.

J.M

(Below is the note that her mother and I sent today as we departed with tears in our eyes. This is for all of the parents out there who may be comforted in the fact of knowing that you're not alone.)

Dear Natalie,

You will now venture out on your own, live your life and have your own thoughts about life. As long as we're alive, mom and I will always be here for you and care for you no matter what. Today is hard because we hope that we've given you the love and guidance that you will need to live a happy and successful life. We hope that you will be in a healthy enough relationship with yourself to know what to embrace and what to avoid, what to draw closer to and what to move away from, and what is healthy for your body and what is draining of your life force. Knowing that no home is perfect, we hope that you will take what we gave you and improve on it for your life. Today is a hard and sad goodbye, mixed with the love of wanting all the happiness in the world for you. Today is a great day, one of gratitude, one filled with the amazing pride that we have in our hearts for who you have already become and the anticipation of the great times and laughs that we can all have together as adults throughout life. We will always be your mommy and daddy, but today is your day to take the roots and wings we have given you and to really fly.

One thing that mom and I can both say is that your birth brought more meaning to our lives than we had either one ever had before. You will understand this if you ever have children, and you will also know what today means. No words could ever describe how much we love you.

Mom and Dad